I spent my life running away from the terrible pain of my childhood. Four years ago, I hit rock bottom. I fell into a deep depression and contemplated suicide. In my darkest hour, I was alone...I had pushed everyone away. I fell asleep after a night of almost taking my own life and woke early morning to someone holding my hand...but no one was there. And that was when I knew that there are spirits helping us, that are not always seen, but felt. It was then that I decided to get help.
When I was very young, my father abused me in my sleep. I did not remember or accept this happened until I began deep therapeutic work. All of my life I have had night terrors of the same shadow hurting me, now I understand who that person was and that I was carrying deep pain around being violated in this way by someone I was supposed to trust. Because of this and an aggressive neighborhood bully, I developed severe depression and began contemplating suicide at the age of 12. I hated myself and believed the untrue messages that were directed at me. I have had tremendous trouble building healthy relationships and a community because of my painful childhood and finally sought help in 2014.
My creative work is representative of the different stages of healing and awareness I experienced throughout the last four years. The pairing of my creative work with psychotherapy has not only helped me heal, this combination has helped me build new healthy relationships and a healthy sense of self.
Much of my work has a strong sense of black and white, a metaphor for dark and light. When contemplating the deeper aspects of the psyche, there is always a strong sense of our own darkness and an opportunity to rise out of it toward a lighter state of being.
My artwork showcases a very intense emotional journey for me that requires vulnerability and bravery to share it with others. However, I feel compelled to do so, so that others might inquire how to heal their own pain. I am happy to report that my therapeutic work has helped me build a beautiful relationship with a lovely Puerto Rican man over the last 5 years, he willingly has participated in all therapies with me and was the person who initially suggested it. He has supported my art and my overall growth as a person—I am forever grateful to him for helping me as few others in my life had the knowledge or resources to do so. We are engaged to be married at the end of this year.
I also no longer suffer from crippling depression or have thoughts of suicide either–I am a new woman! And I attribute art to be part of that healing.
I am worthy of love
Acrylic on canvas
40x40x1.5 inches
Note: Canvas will be rolled into a tube for shipping. The buyer will need to have this piece restretched onto a wood frame. If local, we hand deliver, ready to hang.
I created this piece while struggling with depression. I have learned over many years in therapy that doing the opposite of how you feel in depressive states will uplift your mood. So I created this painting as an explosion of color and love to compensate for the love I never received growing up. And it worked, I believed my own work and words afterwords.