I have forgotten something, that’s the feeling I have had of late. I forget what day it is or what I ate yesterday or where I am headed.
After further inspection I find it’s none of those things at all, not the small parts of my routine, instead it is a deeper amnesia. I have forgotten what it is like to be in pain or to feel anxious and do not know what to do with the space those feelings once occupied. Still my body and mind are looking habitually for what was once so largely affecting my life. And now that all this negative energy is gone, the space is entirely aware of itself. Now...there are just questions.
You will know this work when you get there. It’s an odd feeling. It isn’t a glorious euphoric feeling of enlightenment, more of an inquiry because what left was comfortably apart of you and what remains is just empty.
This happens to abused spouses after they leave a violent partner. Violence was a normal part of life and they miss it for awhile even if it was harmful.
Still there is no better way to change than to live in the discomfort of transformation because one day, after the discomfort subsides, you will recognize a new person, one who makes uncorrupted decisions, one who concludes “what took me so long?”
-Andrea
