“I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” – Mark Twain
The question we must ask ourselves is—what are we experiencing? Is it my present circumstances or past memories? Is there evidence that my current circumstances are bad or am I perceiving them to be bad because of an experience I had long ago?
As a young adult, I refused to go back to my hometown. The way I saw it was, the people were cold and abusive, the weather was gray, and the culture was narrow. If I even was near my hometown, I would grow anxious and irritable and turn back. I lived this way for many years, until I started doing healing work.
The first step is evaluating the evidence. When I sat down to uncover why I believed my hometown to be such an awful place I realized that belief came from experiences I had in the past, not present. There was my family. My father hurting me. My mother being consumed by her own problems. A neighborhood bully and then the mean girls at school. None of these people are a part of my present circumstances, yet all of these experiences served as a lens for how I saw my hometown.
The next step is to inquire into the pain and release it. We must go into the person who lived through the pain and comfort him/her. We must recognize that the mind and heart are clinging to a belief and do everything we can to change the narrative around it. We must tell ourselves that it wasn’t fair, it wasn’t right. There was nothing wrong with you. You were just doing the best you could as a child, in a bad situation. That you are special, just because you exist and can do anything you put your mind to. Give your younger self all the love and protection you didn’t get and free the pain associated with each wound.
This is easier said than done of course. It may take years, depending on how many traumatic experiences a person had or how much harmful rhetoric a person believed. It’s been about 4 years for me and I am still working on it.
Yet I have seen monumental changes. Today, I live near my hometown. I don’t see it the same as I used to see it. There are new people living here. There are a lot of beautiful green trees and wildlife. It’s quiet. The people are nice and polite. And I am happy to be here, working and living with my partner.
It’s all a matter of perspective you see, so change it.