Of all the ways to say I love you, “you are worth being patient for” is the most important way.

I met José five years ago when he was going through a challenging divorce. His situation was daunting—hurtful to him, his children and me.

There were many fights and breakups. There was an uncertainty of trust since we did not know each other well. And of course, I also had my own wounds to contend with, which were triggered by the tricky circumstances he was in.

While we had an intense, passionate love, it was our patience with each other that kept us going and our willingness to keep trying.

From day one, I had to be patient. I could not date him like he was a single man, I could only be his friend for months. I had to wait to meet his children until he knew I would stick around. We had to work on our communication so we could understand each other and feel heard in therapy. He had to address his negative feelings regarding his ex. I had to face some big demons regarding my mental health and abusive childhood.

It has been work, lots of work and I am grateful for every day of it.

During the course of our relationship we have navigated a business partnership, divorce, codependence, exes, step-parenting, depression, CPTSD, death of a parent, communication styles and anger. If I had not met José, I am not sure I would have recovered from childhood abuse, traveled the world and grown to be a more mature woman. Had José not met me, he surely would not have had access to his emotions and vulnerability or nurtured his uncanny insight into other’s motivations. Neither of us would be where we are today.

We have come along way, he and I.

So it is with great excitement and joy that I share that next week we will be getting married in Maui. Just him, me and a Ukelele player.

What a wild ride. :)

-Andrea