“One thing you learn in medicine is that we control ship and sail, but never wind and wave. We don’t control everything, ever. Bad things happen to good people doing everything right all the time. But they do happen much less often to those doing everything right than to everyone else, so what we do matters enormously.” - Dr. David L. Katz, Director, Yale Prevention Research Center.
I wish I could say I am not afraid for my life and the lives of others. I can’t. I am afraid. Not in a hysterical way, but more in a practical way.
How that looks is how I conduct myself. I am not going to crowded places like the gym, an office or Costco. I am washing my hands until eczema erupts as a reaction to the dryness. No buses, no shaking hands, no travel. That last bit is hard. I love to travel, and we had plans, but twice now I have caught particularly heinous influenza viruses on a long plane ride coming back from Puerto Rico. Both illnesses had me so sick I thought I might not make it.
Why passengers travel when they are ill is beyond me. I wouldn’t do it. It is a grave disservice to other humans. I pray those who feel sick will wear a mask or contain themselves from the public because the decision to do so is a matter of life and death. I mean, I am doing it and I am not even sick. I am avoiding public areas because I know others are not as conscientious as I am.
I have an autoimmune disorder, so when I get sick, I very get sick. My doctor has me on a medication called naltrexone—a drug given to addicts recovering from opioid addiction because it has a side effect of boosting the immune system. I am not an addict by any means, but I needed help. I was on the drug before all this coronavirus madness began and conveniently it may be helping me now.
Most of my daily routine revolves around my health. My diet consists of very little sugar, vegetables, meat, and grains. I don’t drink alcohol. I don’t smoke. I exercise hard three to four times a week. I take supplements and do detoxes and colonics and have recently started to take some regenerative supplements popular in the biohacking community. I even got a flu vaccine this year for the very first time.
So, let’s just say I work very hard for my quality of life and I am taking extra measures to boost my immune system. I think my work pays off and I hope my immunity is well supported against COVID-19 or other influenza strains. My decision to limit my exposure to the public is sound, albeit lonely, it may be the best defense I have against a virus that is easy to catch and people who are unaware carriers. Heck, all that work could go down the drain if someone who is sick goes to my husband’s office, infects everyone including him, then he brings it home.
It is important to accept that despite our work to be healthy, there are many events in life we have no control over. This is one of them. Life is fragile. We were born into a world of conditions, like gravity, air, water and the unexpected. We have creatively crafted ways to survive and limit our exposure to danger, but those precautions are not foolproof. My largest grievance and greatest wisdom I have learned thus far in life is—I cannot control the decisions of others. Maybe influence, but their decisions are their own like mine are my own. It would be so nice if we all decided to work together and make decisions based on the group, rather than the self. My utopian aspirations will never die, but my hope in humanity is a bit broken.
This year; dare I say now, I have begun to pray. I meditate regularly, but prayer has a different agenda. Prayer asks the powers that be to help. It is a way for me to give thanks for what I have. I understand now how easily I could lose it all. When you are young you don’t know this, that’s the blind spot of youth. But I have graduated to having an awareness of my mortality and it scares me. We should all win an award when we get there because it’s not exactly a positive experience.
I am not a God-fearing citizen. I don’t go to church. I subscribe more to eastern philosophies than western, but I do believe in the divine. I’ve seen it and felt it. It’s there and I don’t know what it is, but I know it is indifferent to most things, yet somehow wants us to know it exists. It doesn’t favor one person over another. It doesn’t provide blessings for those who believe in it, yet it accompanies us all just the same.
So today I exist and if you are reading this, you exist too. That is the real blessing.
-Andrea
